Who Knew
by those-painted-wings
Summary: It should have been obvious; it was to everyone else. But Jim's obliviousness is practically legendary.


Who Knew

a Star Trek fanfiction

Contrary to popular belief, Spock was the first to know.

He was performing his nightly meditation, and it was somewhat more difficult than usual. His thoughts continued to return to the events of the most recent mission, which had been completed several hours before. The mission itself had been completed in an admirable fashion, with a minimum of unfortunate incidents. There had, of course, been an assassination attempt forestalled by the crew of Enterprise, but that was not the source of Spock's difficulties - at least, in meditation.

The problem lay with the captain. This, too, was not particularly remarkable. Most problems, if traced back far enough, stemmed from Jim. The occurrence of otherwise statistically unlikely - impossible - events around the captain had resulted in Spock indulging in a logical fallacy - he called it the "Kirk-Force," and had reason to suspect that other crew members had similar theories. After all, the amount of unfortunate events and subsequent fortunate solutions created a trend sufficient to deserve its own scientific theory.

After the negotiations had been completed and the assassination forestalled, there had been a ball. Females of various species and extremely pleasing appearance had frequented the crowd, and the captian had been the source of much attention from the aforementioned individuals.

Spock had felt jealousy and possessiveness, even as his captain basked in the attention.

When he had been a child, there had been a subset to his scientific lessons, regarding emotions and their affects on various species. The textbook assigned had had a dissapointingly vague definition of the emotion "love."

_Love is potentially the most difficult emotion to define. When questioned, no individual provided the same account. Some definitions lay in sexual desire - more commonly known as lust. This definition is generally applied to potential mates or similar. But the most recurring and all-encompassing elements lay in statements similar to these: "You would do anything for them. You do not want anyone else to touch them. To let someone harm them is as if the damage were done to yourself."_

In the instant that he recalled the text, Spock knew why he could think of nothing - no one – else. The signs were unmistakable, and completely in accord with that previously unsatisfactory summary.

He was in love with James T. Kirk.

*~BREAK~*

The crew in general was next to notice.

The noticing generally went something like this:

Two ensigns crouched side by side with their arms deep inside a maintenance panel. Some circuits had fried in the captain's latest dare-devil maneuver, and it fell to them to repair the damage. As they worked, they talked quietly about the latest rumors circulating the ship. Who was seeing who, why exactly the last mission had gone so spectacularly wrong, who was dead this time.

The captain swept by, his first officer at his side. The captain was speaking loudly about something political, and the ensigns glanced up and gave respectful salutes. Neither officer noticed - the captain being too involved in his tirade, and Spock too busy listening attentively and offering quiet - and logical - consolation. The ensigns turned to watch them go around the next corner.

The first ensign turned to his companion.

"You know," he said speculatively, "I think Spock's in love with the captain."

The second stared contemplatively at the innards of the panel for a moment. Eventually, he spoke.

"I think you may be right."

Both nodded decisively, and turned their attention back to their work.

After all, it wasn't like it changed anything.

*~BREAK~*

Spock wasn't sure what to do about his epiphany. In the end, he decided to resume work as usual. It was after all unlikely that the captain returned his feelings, and it would be illogical to disrupt the ship with a misunderstanding between the two top officers.

Of course, he slipped up occasionally and nearly said something unwise, or spent a little too long expressing his concern for the captain's wellbeing, or allowed his latent emotions to slip into his voice. It _was_ unfortunate that the captian managed to harm himself so often. But every time this occured, the captian was too preoccupied with the latest diasaster or injury to pay much mind - or remember later.

Much time passed before anything came of it.

*~BREAK~*

Jim, of course, was the last to notice anything.

It happened when they were crammed in a muddy ditch. He had recently been shot with some kind of ray that had left his right leg numb to the hip. Sulu had practically dragged him to where they now lay panting in a moment of silence which would only last until they were found again.

Spock crouched beside him, his normally pristine uniform spattered with mud and the sickly gray of their attacker's blood. His mouth was a thin line - concern, Jim knew. It was odd, he reflected, that he could read the emotions of a Vulcan better than he could understand his own.

"Captain, are you well?"

Jim's standard response to this was a nonchalant, "I'm fine!" But as he opened his mouth to say so, his eyes met Spock's. His gaze then flicked downward to where Spock's hand was ever-so-slightly outstretched, as if to touch his own. Spock continued to stare at him with obvious apprehension.

Oh, shit, was his only thought. Then, how could I have not seen it sooner? And finally, what the hell am I gonna do?

But Spock was still waiting for an answer, and there was still that damnable _look_ in his eyes, and Jim had to say something quick. So he told the truth, and he did what every cell in his body was screaming at him to do.

"I've been better, Spock, but it's nothing I can't handle," and he reached out and touched the back of Spock's hand, where there were none of those specially-sensitive psi-pad thingies.

It was then that he realised that he was in love with Spock, too.

He knew immediately that Spock had picked up on his emotions from the way that the Vulcan's eyes widened and how he pulled his hand away. But before their little private soap opera could get any further, there was an inhuman scream and they were running again, or being half-carried, in Jim's case. But now that he knew, he kept an eye on Spock, and noticed how often he would glance over, checking on Jim's health, even as mutant tarantula-creatures and red-shirted ensigns died around them.

Jim knew he would have to do something soon.

*~BREAK~*

The ensign who delivered the damages report from engineering that day was the first of the crew to notice that the captain had finally caught on. His preoccupied glances at Spock when he thought the other wasn't looking, and Spock's similar covert surveillance had the ensign trying and failing to swallow a smile.

"What's got you looking so pleased?" demanded the captain somewhat huffily.

"Nothing, sir. I just realized something."

"Hmph. Dismissed, Ensign."

She didn't mind the captain's irritated demeanor – that mission had gone even more spectacularly wrong than usual, and several crew members had lost their lives. It was his right to have a moment of weakness.

But as she rode the turbolift back down, she wasn't thinking about the three ensigns who had died on that dirty gray planet. No, her only thought was, finally, they're getting somewhere.

*~BREAK~*

In the end, though, it was quite simple.

Jim cornered Spock in the hallway between their quarters. A hand gently placed against the Vulcan's shoulder kept him from getting away.

Jim knew that Spock hated it when people didn't get straight to the point. He didn't appreciate it much either, so he decided to make this easy on both of them.

"Spock, I'm in love with you."

Or as easy as something like that could possibly be.

Spock looked like someone had hit him with a bat'leth.

"Captain... Jim, I..."

That was when Jim's courage failed him and he began to babble.

"And I think you do too and I only realized yesterday and I feel so stupid because it seems like everyone's giving me knowing looks now that I know what to look for and how long have you felt this way and why didn't I realize it sooner. Oh, shit, you don't, and now I look like an idiot and..."

"Jim. Hush." Spock laid a slim finger over Jim's lips, shutting him up as effectively as a gag. "I admit to feeling a similar way about you."

The finger was removed, and Jim opened his mouth, already knowing that he would start babbling again. But the finger was replaced by a pair of dry lips delivering a chaste kiss, and then Spock left, leaving Jim gaping after him.

It wasn't long, of course, until the crew knew about it.

*~END~*

edited 11-2-12


End file.
